It's late and I'm tired, but I'm feeling like I want to sit down and do some more meditation today before I go to bed. I've been on something of a learning curve these past few days, doing more and more meditation. Yesterday I managed two hours, which I was impressed with, considering I'm a newbie at all of this.
All my life I've been attracted to meditation, and all my life I've struggled against it. Now I guess it's time; now I really have to roll up my sleeves and do the work if I want to make some significant progress spiritually.
I'm still struggling with watching the breath. I can get so deep into it and then I can drift off into reverie. Just goes to show how busy my mind really is. And there I was I thinking it was relatively quiet. Ha! But I notice it's getting easier to quiet down. Often the first ten minutes are really busy as my mind settles down, but then I find it drops a notch and gets quieter and quieter, and if I am really lucky, my sense of a physical body drops away and all is left is awareness. It usually doesn't last long since there's usually a thought ready to gallop through that temporary oasis of calm, but it's a worthwhile achievement on this journey of learning how to quiet my mind and cultivate awareness.
I wonder sometimes where this is going. Will my efforts result in my being able to reach a state of non-duality, to experience unity with the one, to commune with the Godhead? I don't know. I hope it does, but I don't know. All I know is that my Ayahuasca experiences show that these sublime realms are real and are accessible, and they should also be accessible without Ayahuasca.
I'm even contemplating a 10 day Vipassana course in January. That's going to be one hell of an experience, and I can't pretend I'm not scared by the intensity of this process. It'll be insanely full on. Perhaps my practicing now is all about preparing for that. Can I really do it? Do I really want to?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
There's only one way to find out! One interesting thing during Vipassana is that you're taught to release all your preconceived ideas of and past experiences with meditation and surrender completely to the guidance you'll receive for the 10 day course. It does help to build up your sitting muscles though ;)
I'm interested to see what the experience can bring, and letting go of preconceptions is going to be important. After all, it's ultimately about flow and process, n'est-ce pas?
Now, as for the sitting muscles....
Post a Comment